A Pilots Perspective on Hotel Rooms
I have been in the aviation industry as a pilot for over 40 years. I have stayed in more hotel rooms than I care to remember and to be honest, I stopped counting after 2000. And to be honest and humble about it, that very number makes any airline crewmember more of an expert than any travel reviewer or so called expert travel aficionado in the business. And while we are on the humble wagon, I would have to say that flight attendants fall into this expert category as well. They have the same experiences and stay at all the major and minor brands in the hotel industry today.
Perspective
I would add its important to mention the experience level because when you are a new crewmember, the shine is still on the apple so to speak. When you've been in the business for a longer time. You start to notice the same things over and over and therefore you can have a perspective that is more eye opening.
Where it starts
So where does this start? I think the absolute beginning of the story is understanding that the hotel business has three different types of customers, maybe more. There are customers that pay full retail, mostly because they do not travel that much. Secondly there are customers that get some sort of a discount, whether it's through a separate booking site or incentive package . Airline crews fall under their own category and that is called a corporate discount rate.
That rate is usually based on a discount rate for a larger company such as an airline, based on a larger volume of room reservations. The more rooms you rent per night the better deal you get. And although that the fact that airline crews are discount customers it shouldn't matter, but there is an underlying unsaid understanding and or persona about being a corporate discount customer. Hotel chains will swear up and down that this doesn't exist, and in some places it's more discernible than others but nonetheless it's still there.
So why does that matter?
Hotels are in the room renting business and that's fine, however most people don't know that hotels make their money or make additional revenue based on upsells or additional services. For example, if you eat in the hotel restaurant, those prices are not generally what we would call discount value oriented meal pricing. That's a bonus for the hotel, and rightfully so.
If you want to use the internet, there is a charge for that. Some places offer room service there is a fee, some places offer movies there is a fee, and sometimes even the bottle of water in the room is an extra charge if you drink it. Some places offer specialty coffee houses in the lobby, that's an upsell. This is a highly competitive business. Over the years this has become much more competitive, when you think about it you can watch all the movies you want on Netflix which has eliminated the movie offerings in the rooms. Its important to figure out how to squeeze any extra few dollars out of customers. The airlines do this too.
The bottom line is even though airline employees are discount customers they're still partaking in some of the upsell services of the hotel mostly food and beverages. You would be hard pressed not to find a bunch of crews at the hotel bar during various parts of their layover. If they are drinking the beer they are participating in the profit margin that goes along with serving that beer, it is basic economics and it's just a part of the overnight.
The basic room
Another point worth mentioning is most airline crews are not getting the nicer deluxe rooms with the nice views. Sure there are some exceptions to this but for the most part you're not going to get a really nice room because because the hotel doesn't need too, because you are a discount customer. In some of the bigger cities the room size shrinks considerably. Personally for myself a bed itself just doesn't cut it. I want somewhere to sit and maybe a desk to work on, but sometimes that's asking too much. I can't count the number of times where I've had a room with the view of a parking structure or a brick wall for that matter or the roof of the convention center attached to the hotel. That's common, you have to get over it.
Things you see over the years
After a while all hotel rooms more or less look the same. But it's some of the small details that make a difference. It's also the absence of attention to detail that makes you scratch your head sometimes.
For example, why in the world would an upscale major brand hotel not put a fan in the bathroom to extract all that excess moisture is beyond me. Some will have the “mystery vent” that you're not really sure if it's sucking in air or adding air into the room. However I do know that after a long shower those bathrooms need a fan to remove the moisture and over time you can see the results of that very problem. Wallpaper curls up, paint chips off, excess mildew stains are present in the grout. If you are staying in a Caribbean destination this can be very apparent and almost disturbing because this thought occurs to you, ” how come you haven't figured out how to get the mildew out of the shower?”
It has been explained away that having a vent in the bathroom allows sound and smoke (if someone smoked) to enter the bathroom. This may sound logical but most hotel rooms are not designed by people who have stayed in them.
Here is a short video validating this exact scenario
Another thing I've noticed because I'm a man and I shave, is the sink stoppers rarely work. I know this might be kind of picky but the son of a plumber realizes that attaching the little bracket under the sink to keep the sink stopper working correctly is not brain surgery. And half the time I end up fixing it for them. One time I made a comment to the hotel desk that I was absolutely amazed with one of the hotel rooms because the sink stoppers worked, and the manager looked at me like I had three heads, hey it's a detail.
High quality Sub Contractors
And while we're in bathroom mode of this review I also have noticed a few things from a construction point of view that most hotels don't hire what I would call or label a “Craftsman”. Some of the tile work looks like it was done by a bunch of drunks that were paid to crank out X amount of rooms a day. Clearly there was no accountability as to the quality of the tile job, but I noticed. If I noticed, then chances are other people have too. If you want to charge premium dollars for a super nice room, in a super nice location, and it looks like Joey Bagadonuts put the tile in, then it makes you wonder what else is not done well. Again, does it make a difference? Probably not, but no hotel expert is ever going to tell you about these things and no hotel manager cares that you noticed it. So it’s kind of a fun game for me to see what kind of details my room has for the night.
On a good note, some of the major hotel brands are upgrading their rooms with new furnishings that actually look pretty nice. I do wish some of the designers would spend time sitting in some of the desk chairs in the room. It never ceases to amaze me about people who have a part of designing something and have no idea how it feels. Just like the waiter that does not know that the food is bland.
A list of fun things:
Instead of going into minute detail about everything, I will try to be brief and include highlights to certain items.
Air Conditioners
Some are noisy and most are set to a temperature in which you could hang meat in when you walk in. I often turn it off. I know people like it cold when they sleep, but if I wake up and my nose is cold and wet after I turned the AC off, the it’s too cold. My theory is the maids are working so hard that they turn the AC down first thing and then don’t change it. But I also have a working theory that cold rooms don’t have a mildew smell in places that are more tropical such as Florida.
Coffee Makers
Some rooms have coffee makers, yay! However, most coffee comes in a mystery packet that is of unknown origin. My theory is that it’s all imported from somewhere cheap, because that is how it tastes. Carry your own coffee and this problem is solved. Bring your own water and you are another level. Skip the plastic wrapped cup that gives even the best cup of joe a funky flavor and you are a champion. And Lastly, if a hotel offers a coffee station in the morning in the lobby, my mood becomes elevated to the joyful bliss of starting the day out right.
Refrigerators
Some rooms have them. Most of them are great, others are noise makers and you can hear the compressors kick on and off all night. I know of several people who unplug them, unless you have a sandwich in there.
Microwaves
Good luck unless the room is some sort of extended stay. You can call down and ask for one but it’s touch and go if you will actually get one delivered to your room.
Your neighbors
Obviously, there are other people who are lodging in the rooms around you. Not everyone had a good mother that taught them some basic common courtesy. I have zero problems with kids that are excited in the hallway, but I have little patience for cowboys that want to shout the yee haa at 2 am.
Conventions
Groups that are a part of a convention are a normal occurrence at any hotel. What no one tells you is that you will stop at every floor on the elevator ride to the lobby. And most of these attendees are truly excited about staying in a hotel. My attitude of hotels equal jail does not exactly line up with that. The worst experience I had was a Baptist convention ( I asked at the desk in the morning), not that I am picking on the Baptists but the preacher next to my room was off the chart inconsiderate. No matter how many times I called the desk, pounded on the door and pounded on the wall, the soul train disco party never stopped for five, yes five hours. So now I am up at 0430 executing a plan because I was wide awake most of the night thinking about it.
I wrote out a real nice love letter on the back of a place mat that said. “Good morning, I am off to the airport to transport hundreds of happy passengers to meet their loved ones this holiday season. If your mother was on my flight and knew how tired I was because of your inconsiderate behavior, how would you feel about that? I then slid the note under his door and proceeded to go to the elevator. I so wanted to pound on his door and wake him up, but I settled for maybe being a part of his next sermon when he realized he is a jerk.
Lawn care
Sometimes crews do what is called a “day sleep” You operate the redeye flight into a city and then go to the hotel to sleep during the day and get up and operate your next assignment. Lawn care does not day sleep. Joeybagadonuts always runs the blower outside the window when you are trying to day sleep. No one cares, get over it.
Showers
Most showers are pretty standard and have easy to operate temperature selectors. Occasionally you will get one that is harder to figure out than cracking the nuclear code inputs in a missile silo. This always seems to be in the Caribbean. I scratch my head in dazed confusion at where this contraption was ever thought up and manufactured. Did I mention I am a plumbers son?
Hotel Breakfast
Bring a fat wallet and expect mediocrity. Sure there are some places that are an exception. Most hotel breakfast buffets have such a high cost you wonder what they're serving that justifies 25 bucks for some eggs. These are eggs they're not gold, and let's not mention what they did to the bacon. (and just as a side note, one of my favorite things to do to an unsuspecting waiter is to say "you can't do this to bacon") Always carry some protein bars or breakfast bars or instant oatmeal for this very predicament, most of the time it doesn't make sense to pay up but occasionally you can treat yourself if the quality looks exceptional.
GYM’s
Some are good and some are basic, it depends on your expectations.
Pillows
For me this is where the rubber meets the road. There are certain hotel chains that are known for their amazing pillows, and then there's the rest of them. For some people this is not a big deal, for me it makes the difference between a good night's sleep or constant tossing and turning. Everyone has a preference.
Front desk
Some are nice, some treat you with indifference as the discount customer. I know of a couple destinations where the front desk employees could not care less about you as an airline crew member. I have heard the stories, but if I smile, I am not trying to cause a ruckus.
Bed Bugs
From time to time the news media can go buck wild with bed bug reports. Most of the time its an isolated case. If you want to know the truth, ask a crew member. Some of us have it down to a science. They check the beds sheets and mattresses first thing, Some even travel with a portable black light. No one puts their suitcase on the bed and most of us are sensitive to inspecting the room to see if it was even cleaned. Honestly, my score card on a lot of rooms, zero bed bugs.
The Bed
It used to be that hotel beds were pretty standard, bottom sheet, top sheet, blanket and maybe a comforter type cover. Nowadays the blanket has been replaced with a lightweight cover that's put between two layers of sheets. The sheets are swapped out and replaced after each guest however the middle part is not.
You can get weirded out if you stop and think about that for a while and wonder how often do they really clean that. But the answer might be the same amount of time that they used to clean the blankets in the room which I suspect is rarely. It's all part of the experience. If the room has two beds, I always choose the one farthest from the tv. Most people choose the one closer to the tv and it usually means that that bed has developed a small sag in the spot where everyone sleeps.
Overall
I still have the dream that someone is going to ask me what I think about the hotel. It rarely happens so instead you get this article. I think the big finale would be some hotel executive that is going to design a new place would stop and think about what type of people really would give the best input on what they think is a great experience and then they would call us or stop us in the lobby. But that is not the world we live in today unfortunately; most owners or operators are never on site. Have a great layover, I will see you in the lobby!
